well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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