I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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