I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
