I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
