The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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