I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
