girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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