I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
