Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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