; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
