puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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