So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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