if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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