I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
