Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
