i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
