Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
