Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize
