How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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