I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
