I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
