you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
