When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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