"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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