he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
