Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
