Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
