piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
