Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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