I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
