So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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