just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
