I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
