The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
