During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
