The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Found the puke drawer
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
