you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
