I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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