Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
