Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
