The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
