So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize