I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
