Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
