You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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