So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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