it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
