The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
