You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
