batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
