I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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