guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
