I am in a vortex of obligation.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
