Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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