I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
