9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
