she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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