Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
