Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
