make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
