Small penises have feelings too.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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