We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
