Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
