ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
