so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
