Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
