just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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