I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it hurts more in the daytime
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
