shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
