i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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