Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
