Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
