Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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