So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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