I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
