all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I puked a lego.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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