yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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