If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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