I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
