Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
